Subject: Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-nsis-applicability-mobility-signaling-17

From: Roni Even <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 13 Jun 2010 12:54:31 +0300

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you
may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-nsis-applicability-mobility-signaling-17

Reviewer: Roni Even

Review Date:

IETF LC End Date: 2010-06-17

IESG Telechat date: (if known)

Summary: This draft where type is Informational is on the right track but
has open issues, described in the review.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

1.  Section 6 says that topics is this section are out-of-scope of this
document and detailed operations are not described yet section 6.1.1 provide
what looks like detailed operations.

2.  I am not sure what is the value in appendix A, it looks to me redundant
after reading the rest of the document

Nits/editorial comments:

1.  All over the document there are abbreviations that are not specified in
full or not specified the first time used. Examples are MRI, MN, CN, AR. NR,
SII, HA, FA, QNE, QSPEC,RSN. I suggest that the editor will go through the
document and specify all abbreviations.

2.  In section 4.2 and 4.3 in the beginning instead of the following figure
suggest to write Figure 1 or Figure 2. I also think that the flow
description should be enumerated using the numbers from figure 1.

3.  In section 4.2 "the MN must get to know" maybe say "The MN need to
acquire"

4.  In section 5.3.1 "The second one is otherwise, and here the tunneling
path is transparent as a logical link to NSIS signaling
[draft-ietf-nsis-tunnel].". I am not sure what is meant by "the second one
is otherwise".

5.       In section 6.1.1 there is a figure without a number. There are
figure 8 and 9 and in the middle this one with no number.

6.       In section 4.4.2 in the sentence "(how this is can be noticed is
out of scope of NSIS, yet, e.g., GIST will eventually no this through
undelivered messages)" should be "know" and not "no".