The term "ufrag" should be explained, or at least have a reference on its first use.  It seems important :)

I think the "fingerprint" reference should be moved up to the bullet list in section 4, from the bullet list in 5.1

Sec 4 uses the term "cryptographic random function" which is not a common security term.  (See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptographically_secure_pseudorandom_number_generator)  I would just say "strong random function"; it's the number of random bits that counts.  Or use CSPRNG as the term.

In Sec 9, it seems like quoting all the old text is way too verbose.  I would just say "replace with the following NEW TEXT"
If it's not replacing an entire section, then say "the nnn paragraphs starting with xxxxx" or similar construct.